To socialize or talk informally preferably over a drink. Word forms: 3rd person singular present tense hobnobs, present participle hobnobbing, past tense, past participle hobnobbed.
But honestly. Hobnob is a safe space for women who prefer iced coffee over a perfectly curated wardrobe. It’s is a daycare center for women who are intrigued by trends, but also don’t care. It is an open bar for those who swear on vintage Chanel and whose pension funds hang in their closets.
Just look, or rather listen to the music we are being fed with every day.
It’s about to be Valentines Day. Now, I honestly and truly give as many fucks about that holiday in a relationship as I do single, but still. Something happens to us singles around these times, and I feel I have some sort of societal responsibility to bring it to light.
Now, let me start from the beginning. It’s been a rough couple of months for us without a significant other. We’ve waded through the absolute Mordor-like winter days of December where the sun decided to show up a total number of just about two hours in a whole fucking month, only to crash-land in some melancholic Christmas ”celebration” with yet another conversation about our failed relationships. Or, my personal favorite, the one with our drunken, ”things-were-better-in- my-days” hetero normative aunt who keeps insisting a knight in shining armor (a REAL man is also something she might call it, whatever that is) will knock on our door and give us a good ol’ 1950’s marriage story. She leaves out the part where we start to hate each other but don’t really have the energy to get a divorce, just like her own marriage, and that is why she is your drunken aunt to begin with.
Well, from that into some shit-faced, half-assed night out in Christmas Day and all the way into no-kiss New Years Eve where we wore an ugly sparkly party hat, drank vodka and faked a smile whilst all our happy couple friends made out around us. And here we are, a week or two into February. We’re lonely, we’re exhausted, and we’re all just dying for someone to at least poke their finger around in our general direction. This is where I have to step in, and now I’ve told you the very lengthy backstory of it all.
Now, on to the problem at hand: We tend to… let our standards go around these times. We turn a blind eye to the terrible, half-assed dating situations instead of being nice to ourselves. Nothing strange about that, as you can gather from the paragraph above, but to demonstrate just how bad it tends to get, I’ve turned to the world of music. Also because you won’t listen to me if I just list all the toxic shit you put up with. So, I recently discovered a radio on Spotify with some female artists and decided to show you what some of the lyrics are about. Look at me all pedagogical.
“So give me your worst excuses, any reason to stayGive me your lips that taste of her, I’d kiss them againI’d rather you walk all over me than walk awayGive me the worst of you‘Cause I want you anywaySo take me to every party and just talk to your friendsWhy don’t you let me down, I’ll let you do it againGo on and walk all over me, just don’t walk awayGive me the worst of you‘Cause I want you anyway”Maisie Peters – Worst of You
Does this ring a bell? I’m not judging, this has been me more than a few times, but I just… no. It doesn’t matter that you’ve got literally nobody else to hang out with but this person, because people like the one portrayed in the lyrics are not even living up to what should be the bare fucking minimum.
“I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk awayBut baby, I just need one good one to stay(…)Baby I’m bleedin’, bleedin’StayCan’t you give me what I’m needin’, needin’Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faithBut baby, I just need one good one”Lady Gaga – Million Reasons
It bothers me that not even Lady Gaga is spared from shitty relationships where all one needs is ONE reason to stay, but there are none. But somehow, we think so little of ourselves that this is what we settle for. Maybe even more so in dating, and in dating during the winter months. But, again, just a gentle reminder that THIS IS ALSO NOT OKAY. Like my best friend always (unfortunately) tells me, ”you can do better”. Yes, she even says it in English. It’s THAT serious.
I’ve been holding my breathI’ve been counting to tenOver something you saidI’ve been holding back tearsWhile you’re throwing back beersI’m alone in bedYou know I, I’m afraid of changeGuess that’s why we stay the sameSo tell me to leave, I’ll pack my bags, get on the roadFind someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know‘Cause you remind me every day, I’m not enough, but I still stayFeels like a lifetimeJust tryna get byWhile we’re dying insideI’ve done a lot of things wrongLoving you being oneBut I can’t move onNoah Cyrus – July
I know we started this article all light and sarcastic, but this breaks my heart into tiny little pieces as I’m reminded of the dreadful feeling of being stuck on someone who is an ass. Fortunately, I’m not in that position anymore, but let me just tell you, I feel you. And this kind of pain is the hardest to let go of. Nonetheless, it needs to go. Spring is coming, brace yourself.
So I hope I proved my point – it being that you should, in no way shape or form, believe that this is all you’re worth or have to put up with. Once again, I know we’re on the very climax of a long and lonely winter, but trust me when I tell you my friend, YOU. CAN. DO. BETTER. All year round.
Michaela Hamilton is a freelance writer and screenwriter. She lives in Stockholm with her dog Majken and thinks sweet potato can fill in as bread.