I swore to never wear shorts again 

But I failed and it makes me happy.

Short sleeve shirt, Arket
Shorts, Prada
Bag, Mehrotra
Tank top, Weekday
Sandals, ATP Atelier

This is not going to be a story about my body. Or maybe it will be??? We have a complicated relationship and I think most people can relate to that. For me, clothes has been like an armor. I have layered up like I was in war. Behind my clothes I have always been safe. I could control everything. But really, how fun is control? For every year passing by, I try to loose some. Control that is. But also recently, to be honest, clothes. 

I have already written about how I love everything tiny right now. But the truth is, I think I have always appreciated it, just not on me. When the midi-skirts had their prime time a few years ago, I thought to myself, thank God, this means I will never have to wear teeny tiny skirts or shorts again. Ever. But as fashion proceeded and the hemline went up a few inches every season, here we are again. Mini skirts. Mini dresses. Mini shorts. And I know that doesn’t mean I have to wear them, but the reason I don’t want to isn’t right to me.

I have a hard time liking my body. That makes me sad.

My motto since I was 20 has been that clothes must be fun. Working with clothes since the age of 17, it has been an important lifebuoy and kept me grounded. And in situations when people have been screaming at me for not sending the right dress to the right celebrity or not remembering to include a certain top in a certain article, that has helped. Because no matter how important fashion is to me, to the world, it’s not like we are saving lives. And I am saying this with big humbleness. Not trying to come off arrogant.

Top, Cos
Shorts, vintage
Slingbacks, Prada

So why has I let this eat me out? I guess social media is a part of it, growing up as a girl in this society is another. But these are old news to everyone I assume. I feel kind of silly writing this, like if I have no right to these feelings. At the same time I know I do. We all do. And talking about it actually makes it easier.

Blazer, vintage Escada
Shorts, Stine Goya
Sunglasses, Chimi

I am in a battle with myself over this, most of all because it prevents me to be free. I must be free. Otherwise clothes can never be fun. And I need it to be, because I love it.   

So this very effing hot summer season I am doing some cognitive behavioral therapy. I am pushing myself to be free in extension to be happy. And I am putting my armor down and starting with shorts. 

Tank top, Weekday
Flip flops, Havaianas
Sunglasses, Prada

“…I am putting my armor down and starting with shorts”