BFF* Barely Fucking Functional: Episode 3

Published 10/11/2020
By: xxx Published: d/m/Y

BFF* 

Barely fucking functional

BFF is a never-ending email conversation between two best friends, Nadia Kandil & Carin Falk, who are trying to keep their lives together. Topics include outfit ideas, sex, what wine Nadia hates, anxiety attacks, dating, and shoe porn. BFF is a great substitute for Keeping up with the Kardashians tbh, now that there’s not going to be a next season.

Keeping up with BFF: READ PREVIOUS EPISODE HERE 

Nadia Kandil
Sep 21, 2020, 15.43 PM 

A bit off topic but something happened that totally made me question everything (not so much) I thought I knew about men. So, you’d think they’re kind of simple, like asses and/or breasts and all you have to do is either dress in jeans or tee or something right to get their attention. Simple. So, the other day I was at a lunch that turned into a walk with a “friend” (male) suddenly out of nowhere he comments my eyebrows. Excuse you? What? 

Him: You have perfect eyebrows. 
Me: Blushes, mumbles thanks. 
Him: The sexiest features on women are eyebrows and ears. 
Silence. 
Him: Can I see your ears. 
Me: More blushing. More silence. 
Him: Looks at my ears, winks and says I’ve got both. 

I feel cheated, I thought they didn’t notice eyebrows or my ear piercings? I thought I did that to impress other girls. Does it even matter what I wear anymore?

Carin Falk
Sep 24, 2020, 08:22 AM 

Haha, wait WHAT? This is so interesting bc my guy has very strong opinions about my nails. Is this a new trend? Have guys become more sophisticated and complex when it comes to what attracts them? And yes, I feel comfortable talking about heterosexual guys as if they are all the same – a group of identical individuals with no unique or personal thoughts. So, should we rethink our strategies?

This also reminds me; I need to get a new ear piercing!!!

Carin Falk
Sep 24, 2020, 10:23 AM 

I feel like it’s worth mentioning that when push comes to shove our date’s opinions are secondary. But we are, as opposed to heterosexual men lol, complex human beings and we are able to not give a fuck while simultaneously being interested in what guys *want*.

Carin Falk
Sep 24, 2020, 12:03 AM 

Also, I know this is my third email in a row. BUT YOU WENT ON A DATE????????????????

Nadia Kandil
Sep 29, 2020, 13.44 PM 

Ok, so let’s break this down. 

– It’s totally legit to talk about heterosexual men as one. They’re basically all the same. 
– Also, should we worry that they nowadays have more demands when it comes to our looks? (I seriously doubt that they no longer care about tits and ass)
– I feel like more than ever I want to know what guys want and that I’m also willing to act accordingly. Which is weird because I should be old enough to know better
– And yes, I went on a date. Actually, I went on two dates. With two different heterosexual guys.

Nadia Kandil
Oct 06, 2020, 15.02 PM 

Eh, what’s with the radio silence?

Carin Falk
Oct 13, 2020, 16:21 AM 

Radio silence due to me being in Italy, so ultimately due to lots of pasta, wine, good sex and really bad WIFI.

Yes, so we’ve established there’s a new playfield with so many more parameters, bc I know for a fact they still care about tits and ass as well. It’s a fun game tho. The new nude might be a really good eyebrow pic??? If so, great for business for Roc Brows. Try sending a picture of your ear to your date with the caption “Do you like these earrings?” and tell me how he reacts. It’s a scientific experiment. 

But wait, let me switch up the conversation for a second. What’s your fave piece of clothing on a guy? I’ve realized I am the basic’est of bitches bc I think hoodies are so sexy???

Nadia Kandil
Oct 16, 2020, 09.54 PM 

So, this “scientific experiment” is the perfect excuse for me to buy those diamond earrings by Blue Billie I’ve been eyeing for months. I’ll report back on the result asap. 

Ok so this is me when it comes to boys and their appearance. I hate when they’re too vain and look trendy so I’m basic with you on that one. A hoodie is the sexiest thing that a guy can wear. But every now and then trendy hipsters come into my life I end up liking them and my hoodie illusion is gone…

Carin Falk
Oct 20, 2020, 20:11 AM 

Lol, yes! Maybe I should invest in some ear swag too. I want a really good ear cuff. Dangerously obsessed with ear cuffs right now!! They fall off my ears tho. Lost the pearl one I had from Powher when we were getting drunk at Sturehof. So sad. 

I knew it. Nadia and the hipster boy sitting in a tree.

Did you end up getting those Toteme boots btw?

Nadia Kandil
Oct 22, 2020, 13.55 PM 

Haha, that was really sad cause that was also the one of the main subjects: you being afraid of losing that ear cuff. 

Yes, I found them on Vestiaire, brand new. But I know they’re not going to do wonders for my love life tbh. Or maybe guys who work as consultants (light down jackets/vests, some kind of half long coat, chinos and Eytys “doja” sneakers) will find me interesting or at least convenient?

Carin Falk
Oct 26, 2020, 18:41 AM 

Haha, yeah, the light down jackets guys…

It’s so funny that style vise we are literally worlds apart right now. You’re in expensive cashmere and classy boots and I am in sweatpants, fleece and a cap, like a 12 year old boy.

Stay tuned for more episodes of BFF* Barely Fucking Functional.

Published 10/11/2020

Fanny Ekstrand is a writer, creative consultant and founder of Hobnob. She says she is the master of vintage shopping and knows all the pasta dishes in the world.

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